Day 680 of Eldercare: Stroke Changes Everything

Just a week before the stroke, Millie was eating her own food, dressing herself, working jigsaw puzzles & crossword puzzles, and reading her favorite novels. Three days before the stroke, we had the conversation about heaven (see previous post, dated Feb 6).
But in just one second, everything changed. Millie was sitting at her puzzle table putting together a Peanuts jigsaw puzzle. From the next room, I heard a puzzle piece hit the floor (that happens often; her sleeve catches them), then I heard a big thud, and I knew she had fallen.
Hubby and I both ran to her. She was on her right side on the floor. As we turned her toward us, I saw her face, distorted, and heard her say "...just...want...sleep..."
Talking to her was not helpful. We knew it was stroke, so we did the 911/medic/ambulance/KaiserER route that we had done with Millie before. But this time it was not just a TIA like she had on Day 8, this was a real midbrain ischemic stroke, and a bad one.

It's now Day 691
The stroke was 11 days ago. She went from Kaiser to ManorCare, a skilled nursing facility that has not served Millie well at all, but I won't go into it this time.
We have seen her every day, and we know that she is in extremely bad shape, and getting worse. Not so much physically, but mentally she is really gone. Now we really know that her condition will never allow her to come back to live with us.

Last December, Millie was praying for her Lord to come and take her. She said she was ready. So when I went on my hiking field trip to SF on Dec 18th, I threw a penny into a fountain, and wished for her to "go peacefully in the next two months." I'm not going to get my wish.

We are hoping for Millie to escape from this messy and undignified end. But she has to do it by herself.

Day 679 of Eldercare: Where is Heaven?

Millie and I have had some lovely talks over the years, always respectful interchanges. In the early 1980s, Millie and I spent one morning a week together as a play date for her grandchild and my daughter, while Millie and I talked over coffee and rolls. At one such visit in 1983 she asked me about the book I was reading--The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. She hadn't heard of it, so she asked me what it was about.
 I could have have prattled about the book for hours, but we both were managing active toddlers, so I quickly sketched it with "It's a sort of Medieval murder mystery, revolving around whether Jesus Christ had a sense of humor. Whether he laughed."
Millie right away said "Of course He laughed. I'm certain that He had a sense of humor." It was her certainty, her immediate and sure response that made the moment memorable.
Over 30 years later, we found ouselves in my house on a twin bed in the room that was hubby's home office until we set the room up for Millie. We sat side by side and chatted as I trimmed her fingernails.
I was thinking about her gout, and about my sciatica when I said, "Sometimes it feels like our bodies are betraying us . . .Do you think that people have their own bodies when they are in heaven? and where do you suppose heaven is, anyway?"
Millie hesitated but briefly, then said "There are lots of ideas about that, but I . . .think people don't have their bodies. Heaven isn't above us or below us, it's all around us. It's everywhere."
I appreciate that she still thinks about things, and can come up with responses that she can be confident about. I like that a lot.

Day 669 of Eldercare. Sundown Syndrome--Not!

Before Millie moved to our home, she was having episodes of behavior that were diagnosed as Sundown Syndrome, which is characterized by anxiety, confusion, agitation, problems with sleep cycles. Millie had those symptoms when she was in her own home. But almost immediately after Millie arrived to live in my house, those symptoms disappeared.

How did we do it? We took her off caffeine, as in zero coffee (not even decaf), and gave her melatonin at bedtime. Simple as that. It's now Day 669 that Millie has been in our care, and while she has had some moments of frustration and anger in that time period, there's nothing that resembles Sundown Syndrome.

If your elderly charge has Sundown Syndrome symptoms, try eliminating their intake of caffeine. If that clears up those behaviors, the problem is probably not Sundown Syndrome.